Good Grief!
Good grief! It’s August. Are you wondering where the summer went? Me, too.
Good grief! It’s hot outside today. Yes, even in Nebraska!
Perhaps the expression brought to mind the iconic cartoon character with a zig-zag shirt. We all relate to ‘ole Chuck’s feelings from time to time. Today, let’s examine the words without the exclamation point—good grief.
Can grief be good?
We must remember that grief is our natural emotional and physical response to loss—any loss—including death, a job, home, community, lifestyle, or culture. Any change in routine or relationship can induce the pain and sorrow of grief. Can any good come from that?
At first glance, it hardly seems so. Like oil and water, the two words don’t mix, and belong in the pile of oxymorons with bittersweet, jumbo shrimp, and old news.
Grief specialists Tammy and Bob Cranston agree. In their seminars, they share, “Grief and gratitude seem incompatible, but they complement each other.”
I experienced this truth during a recent double dose of grief. In May, I lost my mother. At the same time, we sold our home and moved several states away. The emotional and physical stress of these simultaneous events made it difficult to navigate. Yet, despite the challenges, I discovered a few blessings along the way.
Finding Good in the Loss of a Loved One
If your grief is fresh, you may be tempted to close this tab. I get it. I miss my mom. The tears come at the oddest times, like when my husband and I pray for our family members, and I realize my mom no longer needs prayer. Right there, I count the good in grief. She is with Jesus, and although I miss her terribly, I wouldn’t wish her back here.
With today’s technology, Mom and I could talk as often as we wanted, even though we lived a thousand miles apart. I remember the days when we relied on letters for bits of news. I’m grateful for texting, video calls, and yes, even the snail-mail cards she sent me. The good lesson is I’m reminded to use these gifts to connect with the family and friends still here.
These days, many people are estranged from their parents, children, or siblings. I know how easily that can happen. That reality motivates me to apologize when needed and offer grace and forgiveness to maintain healthy relationships. Not an easy task, I know! Grief is a good reminder that life is short, and our relationships are worth the effort.
It may seem impossible to recognize positive outcomes after losing someone you love. But mourning includes remembering: the good, the bad, and yes, the hidden blessings. The Cranstons explain, “While grief keeps you tied to the truth that someone you love isn’t here anymore, gratitude keeps you tied to the life you shared with them.”
Finding Good in Other Losses
Our recent move certainly wasn’t our first and will not be our last. You’d think I’d get used to saying goodbye to church family and community.
My Florida friends know how much I grieved leaving family, friends, and work when we moved there from Wisconsin seven years ago. Although the beach offered a huge plus in our relocation, that transition proved especially difficult. Admittedly, I was pretty angry at God for a while. Some days my prayer time resembled a temper tantrum.
Thankfully, our God can handle such behavior from His children. Like the patient parent He is, He waited for me to calm down and seek His face once more. In His perfect time, He revealed His plan for my new normal. Each move we’ve made has proven that as one chapter closes, new opportunities begin.
Still Finding Good
Of course, the pain of grief remains. You see, discovering some good doesn’t remove the sting. Grief is still grief. Loss is still loss, and the mourning process marks the path ahead.
Yet, finding the blessings amid grief acts as a salve on the wound. Just as ointment soothes and protects from infection, recognizing the good in grief keeps bitterness from taking root. Each discovery is a “God-moment,” reminding us we don’t walk through the valley of the shadow of death alone.
For You are with me, Your rod and Your staff; they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
Finding good means finding God in grief.
What about you? Have you experienced God-moments during dark times? How have they helped you cope?
Find more about Tammy and Bob Cranston and their grief ministry, books, and speaking topics on their website https://tammycranston.com/
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